BALD EAGLE
The American government, if it were a man, would now be sporting what is called a comb over (left). This is when the man in question, is bald on top, but tries to cover the dome by combing the hair from the side of his head, over the bare area. There have been many remedies throughout the ages for this decline in follicle coverage.
The ancient Egyptians, in an attempt to remedy the obvious truth, used a mixture of iron, alabaster, onions and honey. This was swallowed after an invocation to the Sun God. This may seem a little peculiar, but the US government, in an attempt to disguise the truth, gets the public to swallow something far more unpalatable; namely, bullshit.
Hippocrates (left) recommended a mixture of cumin, pigeon shit, horseradish and beetroot as a cure. It didn’t work, and he became ever balder (as you can see). In fact the first Hippocratic Oath was nothing to do with medicine. It was when he looked in the mirror one day and said ‘Damn! This pigeon shit is just not working!’ If he was alive today he would no doubt be asking ‘why is that chicken shit, George Bush, the President?’
Some may say, because America is a democracy, it was the will of the people. Now, I don’t know how many people still believe Bush won the first election. I do know that according to statistics, many Americans believe in life forms from other planets, and it would seem they also thought it was a good idea to elect one of them President.
Oh well. That’s democracy for you; he was elected after all; but, oh, I forgot. America doesn’t do elections any more. Those in power just decide the outcome and then tell the people which way they voted after the ballot has been rigged. It’s hard to believe but that’s the truth.
Hippocrates, having pigeon shit on his head, is easier to understand than the fact that America, a country that upholds the right to bear arms, doesn’t uphold the right to have an elected government.
Where is the resistance? My God, no wonder Bush has invaded Iraq even though the Iraqis had nothing to do with the attack upon America. If he can stage a coup in his own country and it just rolls over and lets him get on with it, then why should he not think, right, then who’s going to give a fuck if I take over a few others.
But enough of that, it’s just too depressing. Let’s get back to baldness. It happens. Get over it. Or just get five Supreme Court Judges out of nine to declare that you are in fact, not bald. At least, this is what George Bush would do; well, if it was good enough to make him the President of the United States, I’m sure it would work just the same way if he ever found his hairline receding like his IQ. Even if the evidence suggested he was a balding slap head, so long as he could get those five Supreme Court Judges to back him up, then the lie becomes the truth, even if it isn’t. Bald men can be declared hirsute; a man who lost the election can be declared President.
The votes of five men count more than 52% of the American voters. I believe the people behind, what was, in effect, a bloodless coup, couldn’t have said it better if they had run an advertising campaign saying ‘fuck you America. We, the haves, and the have mores are so contemptuous of you all, we’re going to do what we want, and we’re going to televise it. People are going to write books about it, and films and you can all talk about it, but there is nothing you can do about it, because you really don’t matter. Don’t you go thinking this is the land of the free. The election cost a lot of people, a lot of dollars, but it was worth it. The draft dodger sends your sons and daughters to war, and we’re making so much money at your expense that we are laughing our asses off.
It happened. It’s a fact. America is now an occupied country. At least in Iraq you can see the enemy. In America it seems to be a different story. You don’t resist the occupying force, no, you re-elect the lying, scheming murderous son of a bitch and then let him occupy somebody else’s country.
But like I say, that is just too much of a dark thought that it’s probably best to maintain the illusion of democracy, so let’s forget it. Oh yes; baldness. The most common form of baldness is called Male Pattern Baldness. It’s caused by an enzyme that converts the male sex hormone testosterone into dihydrotestosterone (DHT), which then goes on to damage the hair follicles; this in turn stops the follicles from growing, leaving men with a receding hairline; and although it’s obvious, many men feel the need to cover up the bald facts, which again brings us back to Bush. He is the President, because of a fucking coup. Everybody knows it, but just like the guy you talk to who is obviously bald, but has raked a few strands over his dome, after a while, we don’t seem to notice it; like stealing the Presidency.J Edgar Hoover, who would have been no friend of mine, I assure you, said "the individual is handicapped by coming face to face with a conspiracy so monstrous he cannot believe it exists."
Rather like Donald Trump's hair, don't you think?
Well, get this.
Forget about winning the war in Iraq; you already lost the war in America.
But not to worry, because for only one thousand dollars, I can send you my own patented cure for baldness, endorsed by the American Supreme Court for Justice. It will give you a thick, healthy head of hair that will have the ladies falling over themselves to get a little closer to you. My first client, Mr Rab C. Nesbitt, pictured left, is proud of his new afro and thinks it was worth every penny. As you can see from the picture, it's worth every blood stained cent.
Geetan
July 18th 2005
