Free Midgets...London Part Four

Our room in the hotel was tiny. At one point my partner bent over to pick up her shoe, and she nudged me out the window. The door knob took up an eighth of the room. I think, if we had have been in the Hilton, this would have been the Danny Devito Suite; but of course we weren't in the Hilton. Far from it. We were in some dump, surrounded by Germans, in a room slightly bigger than a fridge but a little cooler than an oven. Possibly if we had paid a little more for the room we would have gotten a free midget and some mineral water.

In the corner was a desk, which had a hair-dryer on the wall. It reminded me of those old films where the officer and gentlemen has disgraced himself, and a pistol is left on the desk so he can do the decent thing. By this, I don't mean blow drying, of course, I mean shooting himself. Blow-drying usually isn't as fatal as shooting yourself. Well, not unless the wiring in the room was as bad as the plumbing. My partner had gone for a shower earlier. She turned on the taps attached to the shower unit. It gurgled for a minute, hissed like an asthmatic python and then shot up into the air like a V2 rocket and headed for the centre of London.

And speaking of Germans...

I noticed, on the door, was a little sign saying THIS DOOR ONLY LOCKS FROM THE OUTSIDE. It was getting to feel more like Colditz by the hour.

Where was I...

Yes; the hair-dryer; we never used it. For one thing, I had gotten a little electric shock from trying to turn of the light beside the bed. Trying to use the hair-dryer was probably just asking for trouble. Beside, it had North Mace on it, as the Model type. The way things were going so far, it probably was some kind of Mace dispenser. So, we left it. I decided it might be useful to use on any rats if they turned up during the night, asking for their room back, and if we could spare some cheese.