What the fu…
‘The moment I wake up…’
Jesus Christ!
…’I put on my make up…’
I leapt out of bed and whacked the alarm clock. Aretha Franklin shut the fuck up and slapped on her make up in silence.
I sat back down on the bed and rubbed my eyes. I had forgotten. We had set the alarm to go off at four in the morning. We were going to go down to Wiltshire and look for crop circles. I had two around my eyes. Two great big black ones that had mysteriously appeared overnight but I suspect that's lack of sleep rather than aliens or two men with a stick and a piece of string. I don’t know why, but my first coherent thought was, ‘right, better boil four eggs then.’ I do this when we go out, with the same urgency as a doctor at the Siege of Calcutta boiling up water to whip off the odd leg or two.

We leave the house at 4.45; Lesley out the front and me out the back. It’s another one of her ruses to confuse the burglars. I wonder, with not a little disgruntle, how come I have to leave using the tradesman entrance; or exit to be precise? Mind you, I’m lucky I don’t have to leave via the chimney, just to maintain the deception that only one of us is going out at this ungodly hour.

I got into the car while Lesley locked up the house. The smell of of a Big Mac meal I had been eating the night before stuck meaty, greasy fingers up both my nostrils. I’d left the debris in the car and it had fermented overnight. Damn. Lesley had cleaned the car out the day before too. I snuck back out of the car and deposited the rubbish in the bin and then got back in.
    Lesley joined me.
    ‘What’s that smell?’ she asked.
    ‘No idea,’ I said, and we set off. It was a good job we did too, otherwise we would have missed the two hour traffic jam at junction 11 of the M6 (they'd closed the M6 from junction 9 to 10 on the busiest Saturday in the year for getaway holiday traffic); bastards. Apparently, if the sign was anything to go by, the jam was caused by some bloke trying to get his bloody umbrella up.

And now here we are at a services with lots of obese Londoners in shorts waddling around saying things like, ‘fackin’ ell, Maureen. I didn’t say nafink!’ The services seems to only be full of men with beer bellies or chests that, as soon as they breathe out, will descend into a beer belly. There is enough blubber here to keep the Japanese whaling industry happy for years.
   
And, oddly enough, with a comfortable sense of synchronicity, as I write this, Lesley turns the page on her newspaper and there is an article about crop circles which is what we’re off  to see. The article asks if they are disappearing.

Better get down there fast then….

At one point as we drove along we could see farmers mowing…or whatever it is they do with those big mechanical things. I don’t want to say they were threshing just in case it’s a euphemism for anything that makes you go blind. We thought for a while that our trip would be in vain. We had come all this way to see crop circles but they might all be gone if the fields of wheat have been harvested. You might have eaten the crop circle we came to see for your breakfast which is bloody inconsiderate.

But as it turned out, our fears were groundless. The further along we drove, the more we could see fields of wheat in the sun, standing proud. We just may be in luck. So on we tootled through places called Tiddlywink (true) Trumpton, Walmington-On-Sea, Chipping Sodbury, Little Sodbury, Stupid Sodbury and Little Fuckwit. Well, I may have exaggerated slightly with the last two names but you get the idea. These places passed by with rather amusing regularity, topped off with a road sign which said:-
I spent the next few minutes contemplating guide dogs for blind cats and the complications that would cause. The dog, with its antipathy toward cats, struggling with its training, leading the cat toward open manholes and then swerving away at the last minute; finally thinking 'what the hell' and pushing it under a bus; woof justice so to speak.

Our first port of call appeared soon enough. It was a café which gathers the information on crop circles and disseminates the information to whoever wants it. We wanted to call in there and ask for directions to the nearest one. Incidentally, just past the café, is a place called ‘The White Horse’. This is not a pub, as the name would suggest, but a massive white horse carved out of the grass, into the limestone below. Curiously, considering the predilection of early man for depicting images with rather large members, it doesn’t appear to have any reproductive organ. Unless of course it’s hung like a rabbit and I just can’t see it from where I would later stand to take pictures. There is another image like this around these parts somewhere of a man; or to be precise, a huge erect member with a man attached to it. I’m rather attached to mine come to think of it. It’s supposed to be some kind of fertility symbol. If you hang around it long enough you get pregnant; a bit like a council estate only without the satellite dishes.

We arrived at the café, which was full of the kind of people who look like they would be interested in this sort of thing. People who become friends with the sort of people who had no friends in school and need a bit of a wash; men with beards; and some of the women too; and the children. There was one man with receding hair and a bald spot and a… well, I can’t call it a pony tail; it looked like the last time it had seen any action it was on the arse end of a rodent.

Everybody was very friendly and the lady behind the counter had a couple of buns in the oven. Not that sort. The kind that goes well with a cup of tea, which is what we had while we asked about the nearest crop circle. While Lesley queued for the brew and bun, I asked a chap who was looking on the internet in the café for crop circles. He pointed out a middle aged lady with pale blue eyes and a mop of ginger hair that looked… like a mop actually. She was very helpful and neglected her cup of tea to give us directions. I couldn’t help noting she was wearing a pink top that was far too tight. It gave the same effect of a pair of bank robbers wearing stockings that were two sizes too small for them. I don’t normally notice this sort of thing but they looked so uncomfortable in there I wanted to point them out to her but I didn't because (a) Lesley would object and (b) the lady would punch me in the Chipping Sodburys.

Ohhhh… here comes Lesley looking rather excited. She’s been talking to the locals who told her about a few which are near Alton Barnes, Walton Smithy and Uffington. I’m sure they’re just making these names up just to get rid of us. Mind you, my suspicions were dispelled when the locals marked the places on the map.

Off we went and found the first place easily enough with the help of a local. When we came to a place where the country road lazily converged into two, we asked a man who may have been the result of some extremely unbiblical sex between very close relatives; the extra leg and the fact that he was dragging his knuckles along the ground was a bit of a giveaway. Amazingly we were able to follow his directions even though he had, evidently, only mastered vowel sounds.
    I said thank you and threw him a stick to chase and off we went again.
   Shortly after we parked up, entered the field and walked along the tractor tramlines until we came to the crop circle. On the way up we saw three rather bewildered looking people. They mumbled hello to us, with vague frowns. They’d probably been shopping in Rio and then suddenly appeared in the middle of the crop circle, like some kind of easyJet version of the Bermuda Triangle.

It needs to be viewed from above, of course to be appreciated in terms of shape and scale, but the actual presence/ambiance of it was impressive in itself; rather like going to sleep with an afro and then waking up to find some bastard has practiced a spot of topiary and you now have a cosmic symbol on your head and several hippies have come to meditate and one of them claims to be the representative of your hairdresser on earth.
We walked around the circle, clockwise, in the flow of the crushed wheat. Actually not so much crushed as woven into a mat which was quite precise; uncannily neat; the picture of anally retentive aliens came to mind; mysterious beings with large heads, bulbous eyes and obsessive compulsive disorder with too much time on their hands/suckers/mandibles. People were sitting in the middle of different circles meditating; waiting to be beamed up or possibly get a cosmic haircut. Nobody was speaking. I was right. The people who go to this kind of thing have no mates. It’s sort of a meeting place for the trainspotters of the cosmos.

Not that I don’t think there is something mysterious about the whole crop circle thing. Though I’m sure there are fakes. The second one we saw certainly seemed like a fake. It’s odd to say why but it just ‘felt’ wrong. It was sloppy and as far as I am aware the circles usually appear on a flat surface whereas this one was spread over an undulating surface. I think it might also have been one we had seen on the internet which had two hearts depicted in it. Precise mathematical looking symbols I can take as the real deal, but something that looks like the equivalent of Mork Loves Mindy is too much of a gap for my credibility to leap across; it just plummets down that old canyon of ‘who are they trying to kid?’

What do the crop circles mean?, I wonder, as we drive around musing on the mysteries of the cosmos whilst chomping jelly babies. Perhaps that is the point. I know of a man who can ask you what you want, and then make it appear out of thin air. He once asked Lesley and a friend of hers what they would like when they were in Sri-Lanka, in the middle of nowhere, slap bang in the middle of a civil war. They said, Jacobs Lemon Puffs, which was rather random of them. He promptly pulled two packets out of the air. He makes statues appear out of nothing. He pulled a necklace, link by link out of the air before Lesley's eyes, dink, dink, dink, dink… out of nothing, as if he was pulling it out of a little hole in reality; impossible, I know. And how is it done? Well, anything is possible with God, he says, and if God is Creation, then creating is what It does. Perhaps the crop circles are God's way of giving people a day out; a break from the routine. We get so used to the wonders of nature maybe Creation just throws in a wild card; or maybe not. I really don’t know what they mean. They could just be a sign saying keep off the grass or smoke a little bit more of it; relax; stop killing each other; chill out; get the munchies; have a banana.

We then went and had a late lunch at a lovely country pub, then motored off and parked up to have a sleep and a cup of tea. I'd shut my window to keep out a little drizzle that had come along and so woke up gasping for air thinking Lesley had finally snapped and put a plastic bag over my head. She was still sleeping soundly. I opened the door a crack to let the air in. Rolling down the window was too noisy. And so she slept for another five minutes until my rustling in the jelly baby bag woke her up.

The next stop was the third crop circle. It took a while to find it and once again we resorted to asking a local, two actually. One was immensely fat, sitting on a wall. His stomach was sitting on his lap, like a contented fat cat, not so much a spare tyre, more an inflatable raft. Beside him was a skinny chap who looked like a chopstick swallowing an apple. He had rather large ears and in silhouette looked like a road sign.
    ‘Excuse me?’ I said, ‘Do you know the way to Wilcot?’
    The large man looked at me in silence for a few moments. Sound obviously doesn’t travel as fast this far South. Then he said,  'Wilcot?’ Oi Carn’t say oi do.’ He turned to his companion and said’ do yew know the way to Wilcot?’ He didn’t. They called for a chap called Peter who came out and said, ‘Wilcot? Yew want to go to Wilcot do you?’
    ‘Eh…yes.’
    That was why we asked the question after all. I refrained from saying we were looking for crop circles in case they turned to each other and one said, ‘ere, these be strangers! Quick, go and fetch me banjo.’
    After hastily jotting down the directions, we left there rather quickly.

The third circle… Oh my. It was perfect, quite a walk from the road but well worth the effort. I had a real sense of awe walking around it. Some people meditate in places like this but I had no desire to do that. I didn’t have a sense of reverence. I've been in the presence of things so sacred, I have wept like a child but this was not one of those occasions.  As I stood looking around me, at the woven mat of wheat spiralling out from the centre of one of the circles, how would I describe the sensation? I think I would describe it best as the feeling you get when you hear a clever line in a story, a word play that is exquisite in its cleverness; a joke that appeals to the intellect so that your belly may not laugh but your mind quietly smiles; a subtle joke that you understand on some level.
   
Are they made by extraterrestrial beings? I don’t know. I don’t care. I expect there is intelligent life ‘out there’. I’m not too sure how much of it exists here other than the few enlightened beings amongst us like Alan Titchmarsh but crop circles aren't really proof either way are they? Crop circles as a means of communication is the cosmic equivalent of knocking on a door and then running away. It’s an answering machine message that you play back to listen to, and all you you can hear is someone breathing, or eating a biscuit, but nobody answers when you ask, ‘who is there?’ If aliens are trying to communicate with us, may I take this opportunity to suggest they just knock on the door? What on earth, forgive the pun, would they be trying to tell us by leaving crop circles hither and thither?
Chuckling I trotted off to join Lesley who was already on her way back to the car.  The feeling alone was worth the trip. It was a joke and the punch line was whatever you felt when you looked at it. It was a custard pie in the face of any good explanation and that has to be worth something and if the crop circles have been made, as the story goes, by a couple of old blokes with too much time on their hands, then fair play to them. In fact, alien, supernatural, or just human, whoever you are, you deserve a pat on the back for giving us something to gaze at, and wonder at the nature of life and its mysteries.

Still chuckling and feeling good we headed off to Stonehenge.

Unfortunately, it was shut.

Bugger

Time to go home.....

But I'll tell you one thing.

I'd like to meet the two old blokes who threw Stonehenge together, one warm autumn night, thousands of moons ago...

Geetan
August 2nd 2006

Two Interesting links for you here







Visitors from outerspace...and New Zealand
Nov 17, 2006

Gosh

Below is a message from a lady who actually took the time to sign the guestbook, unlike most of the bums who visit this site... no, I'm not bitter about it.

She also left a very interesting message so I thought I would share it with you below...

Hi Geetan

I have truly enjoyed visiting your intelligent, open-minded and refreshingly humorous website. Thank you from Aotearoa/New Zealand, Land of Endless Light and Lord of the Rings

You wrote a very entertaining piece on visiting the Crop Circles back in August 2006 and expressed the enigma of this mysterious phenomena...please visit your recommended Links on Share International and type "Crop Circles" into the Search engine of their website for more explanations of the Crop Circles both from a scientific and spiritual perspective...you may be pleasantly enlightened Meanwhile here's an extraction of FAQS on the Crop Circles from Share International spokesman Benjamin Creme who is also preparing humanity for the Return of the World Teacher, the Lord Maitreya Buddha, Who is now in the world in London, awaiting the call from humanity for His full emergence onto the world stage, to help us through the chaos we have inflicted on Mother Earth and ourselves.....Happy open-minded reading Arohanui Sophia xx

FAQ: crop circles

Q. Is there any relation between Maitreya and the crop circles?

A. The crop circles are created by the phenomenon we call UFOs, and there is a relation between Maitreya and the UFOs. These UFOs come, in the main, from the planets Mars and Venus. Our Hierarchy is in contact with the Hierarchies of Mars and Venus; all the Hierarchies in our system are in contact with each other. All the planets of our system are inhabited, without exception, but if you went to Mars or Venus, of course, you would see no one; they are all in higher etheric matter. If you have the higher etheric vision you see them as perfectly normal, slightly different, but not all that different, from ourselves. They are not little green people with protuberances coming out of their heads!

Q. How do you interpret the phenomenon of the crop circles?

A. My information about the crop circles is that they are created by what is generally called UFO activity. The UFOs come in the main from Mars and Venus, not from outside our solar system. All the planets of this system are populated, though if you went to Mars or Venus you would see no one at all -- they are all in higher etheric matter. The UFO phenomenon is distinctly related to the Reappearance of the Christ and the externalization of the work of the Hierarchy, and we owe them a great debt. Their surveillance of this planet is total and energetically of enormous benefit to the world. What the Space People are doing in the crop circles in particular is recreating to a certain degree the ‘grid’ of our earth’s magnetic field on the physical plane. Each of these crop circles is a chakra, as it were, a vortex of magnetic energy, and they are spreading out around the world, having started in England. They were dismissed in the first place, as always, by the sceptics. I do not mind if they dismiss them as a mystery which cannot be solved but to dismiss them as ‘‘created by a freak wind’’ -- that is just stupid, and patronizing to human intelligence. Nobody of average intelligence would believe that is even possible -- you only have to inspect the circles to realize that. But to make sure that that thought did not gain credibility, they began to put rectangular bits on to the circles -- and there is no wind that works in rectangles and triangles and these complex configurations. They are all ‘ideograms’, and if you were familiar with the ‘ideography’ of ancient Atlantis you would recognize some of them. They are meant not to be recognized as to their meaning but that they do have a meaning, and many people will ‘untuit’ these. They are a reminder of the ancient connection with the Space Brothers.

Q. Why are the vast majority of the crop circles found in England?

A. This is an oblique, subtle way of drawing attention to the fact that Maitreya is in England.

Q. For several years, mysterious circles have been appearing in British cornfields, among other places. The media have been giving more attention to this phenomenon lately. Are they caused by Flying Saucers, as some people think, by Maitreya’s Lightship, or is there another explanation for them? A Harrier jet crashed near one of these circles. Do they create magnetic fields which could have interfered with the plane’s instruments?

A. These circles, which have been known to ‘Ufologists’ for several decades, are indeed the result of action by the Space Brothers and their UFOs. They are created and left deliberately as a sign of their presence, the extraordinary structure and precision of the circles being a testimony to their higher science (none of the corn, though folded into spiral and other formations, is ever destroyed). They do indeed create a magnetic field around them but this has nothing to do with the aircraft accident. In fact, it was the body of the pilot of the jet which was found near one of these circles. The plane itself crashed later in the Irish Sea.

Q. What is the purpose behind the appearance of corn circles over southern England (and elsewhere)? If they are made by Space Visitors in UFOs, is it possible that the activity will be photo-graphed by the team of observers now active in Britain?

A. Apart from some few isolated hoaxes (very crude attempts to replicate the mysterious corn or crop circles), these circles are made by UFOs manned by the Space Brothers. They have several levels of purpose. Firstly, they are a continuous reminder to us of their presence in our skies. More importantly, each circle is magnetized and occupies a specific place in the lines of magnetic force in our Earth’s magnetic field. Each circle is a vortex, drawing energy in and radiating energy to its surrounding area. Together (they are not haphazardly placed) they form a ‘grid’ or interrelated energy system of much benefit to us. Since this grid is formed scientifically, it is most unlikely that any group of observers, however well-meaning, would hit on the exact spot on which to observe the creation of any future circles. The Space Brothers are unlikely simply to ‘oblige’ with a circle. They do not waste energy.

Q. In the British newspaper Today (9 September 1991), there is an article carrying the headline ‘‘Men who conned the world,’’ in which two British artists admit ‘‘they pulled off the great ‘corn circles hoax’ for 13 years.’’ These two men claim that they have performed the hoax by creating the corn circles all over southern England and demonstrated their ability to do so in a field near Sevenoaks, in Kent. Could there be any truth in the story?

A. There have certainly been a number of hoaxes perpetrated, but usually they have been singularly clumsy. These two men appear to have perfected a method (I believe just recently) whereby they can create a circle which looks unmade by human hands. However, there is absolutely no way in which two men could be responsible for the creation of many large, intricate, complicated designs in different parts of the country which have appeared simultaneously. Nor does their claim explain the appearance of large numbers of circles in Germany, Japan, USA, Belgium, Canada, etc. The men say they have admitted the truth because of the large amounts of money some people were making out of ‘‘their circles, presumably referring to the various books which have appeared recently on the subject. One wonders how much Today and its proprietor, Rupert Murdoch, have paid the men for their story. Interestingly, they do not claim the multi-location which would be necessary to create the widely separated circles. The fact remains that they are created, apart from the few hoaxes, by the Space Brothers as part of a long-term energetic service to this world, as time will certainly show.

Q. Do the Space Brothers make crop circles all the year around, perhaps on bare ground or grass, which would not be visible to us? Or do they only work in the summer months when the fields are full of crops?

A. All the year round -- and they have been doing so for many years now.

Q. (1) Is this magnetic grid that is being created replacing the ancient leyline grid? (2) We noticed energies close to Stone-henge. Knowing that you have said that Stonehenge is now dead, could these energies have been coming from a pictogram in a field directly south of the monument?

A. (1) No. The lines of the magnetic field slowly change position. (2) Yes.

Q. Are the new crop circles created by UFOs actually being used by them now or will they lie dormant until the entire grid system has been completed?

A. They are not ‘used’ by the Space Brothers, but created for our present stimulus and future use.

Q. Why are the crop circles made in corn?

A. Because corn is seasonal and lends itself to this kind of activity without being ‘indelible’.

Q. Is the corn that is harvested from a crop circle energized and if so is the food that we get from it energized also?

A. Yes, but that is not the purpose behind the circle.

Q. Curious at reports of crop circles in Wiltshire, England, I travelled there with a friend to see for myself. Both of us had back pain and we sat in a formation of eight circles wondering whether we could feel any energies; nothing. After half an hour we left. I suddenly noticed that my backpain had vanished. So had my friends’. Are these circles known to have healing energies?

A. No. They are not specifically healing energies but could have a healing effect.

Q. Is it beneficial for people to absorb the energies from the crop circles?

A. Yes, very much so. But care should be taken not to over-stimulate.

Q. Is there a difference in the energy at different places within a crop circle formation?

A. No.

Q. Why do the energies feel different in different circles?

A. Because they are different. Those created by Venusian ships, for example, are quite different from those made by Martian ships. To those sensitive to these energies the differences are obvious.

Q. What is the difference in quality between the Martian and Venusian circles?

A. Very little. Venus is immeasurably more advanced than Mars, but as far as these circles are concerned, the difference is minimal.

Q. Is there any difference in the effect of the vortex or chakra in the cornfield if it is created by a Martian or Venusian ship?

A. There is a slight difference in the long-term effect. For all practical purposes, they are -- to us -- the same.

Q. (1) Do any of the pictograms depict the bodily form of Martians or Venusians to familiarize us with them in order to reduce our fear? (2) Would you be permitted to tell us what they look like?

A. (1) No. (2) They look very much like ourselves. Man is universally present in creation.

Q. (1) Do the Space Brothers travel in their vehicles in large groups or individually, and (2) how do they share out the task of crop-circle creating?

A. (1) They work in large groups. (2) They can count.

Q. Why do they produce circles and these geometric patterns?

A. To prove to our stupid ‘scientists’ that the circles are not made by freak winds.

Q. Does the energy follow the direction the corn is lying in?

A. The corn lies in the direction in which the energy flowed.

Q. A pilot flying over the mountains in Idaho a few months ago spotted a perfectly shaped giant ‘Yantra’ or Buddhist graphic drawn into the earth. When it was investigated there were no footprints or signs of human life anywhere in this remote area. Who could have done this? Is it related to the crop circles in England?

A. My information is that it was entirely man-made, has no relation to the crop circles phenomenon and is (literally) a giant hoax.

Q. Does Maitreya say there is really life on other planets and there are beings who come to the Earth just to protect us?

A. Maitreya has not so far said so directly, but recently he spoke of other beings in space, far advanced, who have always protected humanity.

All the planets, without exception, are inhabited. In my experience, UFOs are absolutely real. They cannot usually be seen by us because their normal state is on the higher etheric, not solid, physical levels. When we do see them, this is because they lower the vibrational rate of the vehicles to come within our vision, as a temporary manifestation. They are there all the time in their thou-sands and even millions. They help us in many ways and without them this Earth would be a very painful place indeed. They mop up a great deal of the nuclear radiation which we release into the atmosphere through nuclear experimentation. Even if a test is underground, contaminated, poisoned dust flies up into the atmosphere. The space beings have ‘implosion’ devices which neutralize this nuclear radiation. Without their assistance our rivers and streams would be undrinkable; we would, literally, be dying. There would also be large numbers of deformed babies born. All this is a result of our misuse of nuclear energy. Without their help we would be in a very sad state.

Q: How are crop circles actually formed?

A: The occupants of the UFOs visualize the shape they want to create. With their focused mind they decide the shape in any given circle – sometimes with extra additions, like ‘second thoughts’.

They then bring their machines down to near the surface of the field. Using their technology, operated by their minds, the patterns are created. It is a combination of advanced technology and thought; the machinery responds to their thought. The whole process takes place in seconds, even for the most complex pattern.

Q: According to your information both crop circles and circles of light are manifested by the Space Brothers, the latter in association with Maitreya. Does this mean that mankind will finally learn the truth about its special extended family?

A: Yes, it certainly does. There is a huge conspiracy (there are many conspiracies, believe me), but there is a huge conspiracy about the UFOs. The UFOs are known by the major governments in the world to be real, to exist, to be very advanced spacecraft.

For years now the special agency dealing with UFOs in the US, which is not the government but a special department, have been developing a vehicle in a way which is closely aligned to the particular spaceships that they have seen and worked with and examined.

All the UFOs come from planets in our solar system, and the theory put about, and the conspiracy to keep that going, is that no planet in our solar system except Earth has loife on it, which is totally untrue. In fact the spaceships come from planets which are infinitely more advanced than Earth. Most of the spaceships that you see are made on the planet Mars. Even if they are Venusian spaceships or from some other planets, they are often manufactured on Mars. All the Hierarchies of all the planets are in constant communication. This is a solar system, every planet is a part of a system.

Very soon some of this information will become better known, and Maitreya of course is constantly in touch with the Hierarchy of other planets and uses them on occasions In Australia, for instance, there is a drawing which they call Marree Man, which is about three kilometres in length. It is carved into the land, a desert area north of Adelaide, and very wide marks on the ground draw out a very elegant figure with one hand holding a boomerang. The drawing is made by Maitreya and the actual figure is cut into the earth by the Space Brothers. More on crop circles UFOs index Patterns (circles) of light Signs and miracles Archives main index


END OF MESSAGE

Many, many thanks to Sophia for the above information.

Jai, Prema, Shanti...

From Geetan & Lesley